If I Die Young
by LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou
Summary: Penelope loses her brother and is trying to cope with the loss.  This was written to cope with my own loss.  Thanks to BonesBirds for pushing me to write this.  Enjoy.


**Today would have been my big brother's 24th birthday. He passed away in June, he was the fiance of BonesBird. I didn't know how to express how i felt, so I used Garcia to project my feelings through. The song used is "If I Die Young" by The Band Perry because that was playing on the radio when I got the message he had died. **

**Patrick Cooper, you were the best big brother a girl could ever ask for. **

**I love you, **

**your crazy lil sis **

_If I die young, bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses__  
><em>_Sink me in the river at dawn __  
><em>_Send me away with the words of a love song_

_Uh oh, uh oh_

Penelope Garcia looked at his picture, it was his birthday and he wasn't around. She couldn't believe how much it hurt. She just wanted to have him back, to hug him and tell him she was sorry. She had gotten back in touch with one of her brothers; an older brother and after months of talking, they got really close. They spoke almost every day. They would wind each other up and she has been waiting for him to come see her. Their schedules always clashed and he couldn't get out when she was free, he still lived in California and they planned time around this time to spend together. He had died 6 months ago and she didn't even go to his funeral, they had a case. She just sat in her room looking at his photos and reading old text messages

_Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother__  
><em>_She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and__  
><em>_Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no__  
><em>_Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby_

_The sharp knife of a short life, well__  
><em>_I've had, just enough time_

_If I die young, bury me in satin__  
><em>_Lay me down on a, bed of roses__  
><em>_Sink me in the river, at dawn__  
><em>_Send me away with the words of a love song_

No matter how hard she cried, nothing felt better, she couldn't even call Derek because she didn't know how to express this feeling. Her heart felt it was missing something, a part of her she'd never get back. She felt like nothing was going to be okay ever again. She leaned against the two pillows on her bed and thought of the many times they had teased each other. She remembered how close she also got to his fiancée and knew that if anyone understood her, it would be her. The conversations she would have with her brother about the most random things brought a light back in her day. After spending hours seeing the death she had on her screens you would think a person would become desensitized to it. This one was personal and not matter how hard she tried to forget, it would just end in tears.

_The sharp knife of a short life, oh well __  
><em>_I've had just enough time_

_And I'll be wearing white when I come into Your Kingdom __  
><em>_I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger, __  
><em>_I've never known the loving of a man__  
><em>_But it sure felt nice when he was holdin' my hand __  
><em>_there's a boy here in town says that he'll love me forever __  
><em>_Who would have thought forever could be severed by_

There was a time where she used to play the card of telling on him to his fiancée, it kept him from teasing her too much. She remembered the time she couldn't stop laughing while they were texting during a terrible case

" I know your secret weakness lives across the ocean"

"That's playing dirty"

"No, that's playing like a champ"

"Whatever you say little sis"

She remembered waking up after it had been 4 days since they last spoken and there was a message from him

" Hey Kid, I miss talking to you, love you crazy sis"

No one had ever been able to call her kid, she felt it was condescending but when he said it, it was different, it was endearing. Now she couldn't hear it without feeling empty. No more random messages, no more "I love you, crazy sis".

_The sharp knife of a short life oh Well, __  
><em>_I've had just enough time_

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls _

_what I never did is done_

_A penny for my thoughts,_

_Oh no,_

_I'll sell em' for a dollar __  
><em>_They're worth so much more after I'm a goner __  
><em>_and maybe then you'll hear the words I've been singing __  
><em>_funny when you're dead how people start listenin'_

She was feeling so much pain, she had developed a nasty habit underground, she became a cutter, there was no way to describe it differently. She wanted to feel relief from the pain somehow. She ran into the bathroom and took her razor and she just slide down the wall and started sobbing. She couldn't do it, he would be so mad at her. She remembered how he felt when he first found out. They had gotten in a fight, he hated Kevin with a passion, her brother didn't feel he was right for his baby sis. He said, "Get your act together" She didn't believe him, she thought Kevin loved her. She remembered how he was unfazed by her brother's death, expected her to get over it after a few days. She wished more than anything that he was still around to see how she left him. She wanted nothing more than to talk to him and hear that he was proud of her.

_If I die young, bury me in satin__  
><em>_Lay me down on a, bed of roses__  
><em>_Sink me in the river, at dawn__  
><em>_Send me away with the words of a love song_

_Uh oh (uh, oh)__  
><em>_The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)__  
><em>_Go with peace and love__  
><em>_Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket__  
><em>_Save them for a time when you're really gonna need 'em, oh_

_The sharp knife of a short life, oh well__  
><em>_I've had just enough time_

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls _

She sat on the bathroom floor and cried her eyes out until she heard a knock on the door that got progressively louder as the time passed. She heard "Baby girl, open up or I will use the key" She didn't move and she heard Derek open the door and walk towards the bathroom and when he saw her all he did was pick her up and carry her back to her bed. She looked at him and said

"What are you doing here?"

"Simple baby girl, I could tell something wasn't right, I just ended up here after driving around for 2 hours"

She just continued to cry into Derek's chest until consciousness wasn't an option any longer. She fell asleep in Derek's arms whispering, "Happy Birthday, big brother, I will always love you"


End file.
